Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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