so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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