just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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