I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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