I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
