I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
