So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
