he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
A bitchslap is in order.
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