If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
