I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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