I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
