I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
