hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
