His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ladies don't puke and tell
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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