I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
