I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
