I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
