I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
