I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
