Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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