It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
youre lurking in front of me
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
