thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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