Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
