what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
