apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
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