Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
