i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
