I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
