I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
