You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
she woke up with a sticky ear
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
