so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
