My pussy is not your playground.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i need to put some appletini on your dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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