yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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