Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
