My liver just broke up with me...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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