Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
