yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
