I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
My ass is underappreciated
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
