it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
