Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
