Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
