if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
