Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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