I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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