i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize