I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
