East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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