I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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