I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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