Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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