then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
