Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
