I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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