Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
