One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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