Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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