he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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