i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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