He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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