Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I have already put on my inside pants.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
