highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
