What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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