So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
