I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
