You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
