he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
