I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
