Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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