why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
