hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
