i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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