I forgot how hot balto sounded
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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