Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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