i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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